Helping My Noisy Straight Neighbor

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Thank god, I think she’s almost done. For what seems the ten thousandth time, I regret renting an apartment in a newly constructed building with paper-thin walls.

“FU-U-U-CK” She draws the word out into a multi-syllable moan punctuated by my neighbor’s low grunts as he pounds her with everything he’s got.

“Oh. Fuck. OH… I… Danny… I’m… FU-U-U-CK!” after she climaxes for the third time, there is a brief pause, before she gives a contented sigh.

I pull my head from between the pillows, and squint at my clock. It’s 2:30AM, she’s been over for about an hour, pretty early for a Friday night, all things considered. Usually he brings them back later. By now, the noise has mostly dissolved to low murmurs, her high pitched giggle, to his terse bass. After a while I hear the bedroom door open, and the clomping sound of a tipsy girl in high heels. When did she have time to order an Uber? The poorly balanced front door slams with an echo.

Finally. I can sleep. I flip my top pillow, and give it a perfunctory fluff before settling down. My bedroom is quiet save for the distant thrum of the air conditioner. I’ve been up since five, my brain feels fuzzy. And yet… I can’t help straining my ears. There it is.

It’s the unmistakable soft rapid rhythm every guy knows. After less than a minute, his breathing grows ragged. I can’t help it, I’m holding my breath as I hear his voice lift to a soft moan. As he comes, he exhales, and I find myself doing the same. I hear him shift and yawn, completing night one of his usual weekend routine, bring a random girl home, fuck her silly, and then jerk off after she leaves.

I roll onto my side, and despite being hard as a rock, manage to drift off to sleep.

It’s past ten before my urgent need for caffeine gets me out of bed. I stumble into the kitchen, make coffee, and blearily check my phone while it brews. Despite not really being on last night, there are a couple messages waiting for me on the apps. It’s the usual line of hellos and drunken three am ‘you up?’s from guys I’ve brought home. I’m not ashamed to admit I brought a few home and told them to be extra loud, just to return the favor to my neighbor.

I’m checking the news, when there’s a quiet knock at the door. By the time I’ve pulled on a pair of shorts to answer, the delivery guy is long gone, but the package is sitting on my welcome mat. What the fuck did I order again?

I shrug, probably a refill on dish detergent or something. I bring the box in and open it, barely awake enough to safely use a steak knife on the package tape. There’s a smaller package wrapped in brown paper, which is strange for dish soap, but the paper isn’t well adhered and I tear through it without having to go fo the knife again.

I blink, staring uncomprehending at the contents.

It’s a dildo.

Not just any dildo! The package loudly proclaims, it’s a Sensate 7, the premiere model for male pleasure with eight separate settings and realistic TruSkin technology!

I blink again. Who the fuck sent me a dildo?

I lift the box out of the package. There’s a receipt at the bottom, but as is the usual case for sex toys it has less readible information than a doctor’s prescription written in cunnieform. But, there’s no note. No, ‘Gotcha!’ No smarmy belated happy birthday message from one of my old college friends. This has to be a joke, right?

Who would randomly send me a dildo? Maybe Kyle or Rashaun, but, I have to admit that, despite the absurd packaging, it doesn’t exactly look that cheap. I go back to the outer box looking for clues, not a lot of help there, until I get to the delivery label.

Oh fuck.

To: Daniel McHugh, Apt 334.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

The delivery guy left the box at the wrong door, and un-coffee’d asshole that I am, forgot to check. Well fuck.

I have some duct tape, but not a damn thing for packages. So there was no way I was going to be able to quietly seal this back up and just leave it outside his door. That’s not even getting to the inner wrapping I sleepily massacred. For a moment, I consider just leaving it partially opened box and all, knocking and running down the hall. While that’s tempting, it would still be deeply shitty thing to do. No, best be a damn adult about it.

I put the contents back into the box, throw on a tshirt, and go out into the hall. Nobody outside right now. Good, no reason to do this with an audience. I knock.

A long two minutes later the door opens, my neighbor looks about as awake as I am, though less dressed. He’s wearing just a pair of loose pajama pants that hang low on his hips. I’ve seen him a few times in the hall, and with his tall thin frame, I’d always gotten the impression he would be on the bony side. Holy shit, was I wrong. casino oyna His chest, is all lean muscles curly fuzz, and a few tattoos, I’m a tad envious of those arms… and that damn V. I can’t help noticing the tuft of sandy brown pubes sticking out below those abs. Damn.

I look up. Thank god I’m dark enough that it’s hard to see when I’m blushing, “Hey so… uh… I’m really sorry,” I hold out the box, with a pained expression, “this was delivered to me by accident… and I kind of opened it before realizing.”

He takes the box, cracks it open, and closes it quickly. His expression is totally unreadable. He remains silent.

“So yeah… sorry about that.” I begin to turn away and flee back into my apartment.

“Uh… no problem man, but…” I stop. Shit, “since you’ve seen it, d’you think it’s a good one?”


He looks away for a moment, his face is angular and pale, I can see the color rising, “I mean… you’re gay… do you think this is a good one for guys?”

I pick my jaw up off the floor, and for a moment I’m about to protest. I’m out, but being identified by strangers can still make me squirm sometimes. Shit, of course he know’s I’m gay, he’s been listening to me fuck guys through the same shitty walls. I take a deep breath, “Well… I didn’t exactly get a good look at the package, but it looks OK, just have to remember to only use water based lube with these.”

He nods sagely, before pausing for a moment, “Is it… too big? Not big enough?”

I chuckle awkwardly, “Wow… ok… uh… that’s going to depend on a couple of things.”

There’s a loud series of beeps from inside his apartment, “Oh shit, my water’s ready.” He turns before stopping and looking at me, “You mind coming in for a second?”


I follow him in, his place is cleaner than I expected, with some abstract art on the wall. He shuffles over to the kitchen setting the box on the table. I watch him lovingly pour near boiling water from one of those goose-necked silver kettles through one of those glass-coffee- things that looks like an hourglass. Between the tattoos, and the over-the-top-coffee gear, definitely getting a hipster vibe.


I nod, as he pours some out for me. I feel vaguely buzzy, and nervous. But, holy fuck that coffee is amazing. “This is really good.” My sad pot of Folgers waiting next door can’t compare.

“Its some fair trade arabica out of Guatemala.” Yup. Definitely getting a hipster vibe. He motions for me to sit on the couch, and comes to join me. I can’t help but bask in Saturday morning coffee for a second. “So… you said it depends?”

I cough, this is definitely happening, “Yeah… I mean… if you’ve never done anything before, toys can be a bit of a change.”

He shrugs, “nothing besides a finger or two.”

“Yeah, you definitely are going to need to run that under a little warm water beforehand, and use a lot of lube. The difference in temperature can make it hard to relax.”

He nods, “Is this something you would use?”

Whew boy, no damn filter on this one. “Well… I have a small prostate massager I got a few years ago. But honestly… I’m not the biggest fan of toys.”

“Oh,” his expression is unreadable again, “I guess that makes sense, you mostly top right?”

Wow. OK, how closely do you listen? I take a deep breath, “Uh recently… I guess that’s true, but… uh… I like both,” I hide in another long sip of my coffee. Did not expect this morning to wake up and discuss assplay with the neighbor guy.

My neighbor leans back, and I can’t help noticing he is definitely a little bulgier than he was before, “Sorry man, if this is too weird…”

“No… well yeah… this is a little weird, but… I mean, I’m not embarrassed, and I know how damn thin the walls are…” I study the framed art, it’s a motley of blues and greens, almost oceanic, “So some of the time I use my fingers, but really nothing beats the real thing.”

He adjusts himself and leans forward, “Do you… uh… cum when you bottom?”

I lean forward as well, I am definitely getting hard, “A lot of the time, but not always.” I decide to go on the offensive and blurt out some awkward questions of my own, “Are you having trouble finishing with women?”

He runs his hand through curly brown hair, the sides are buzzed, its a good look, “Yeah… I used to be ok, but for the last year or so, I just… can’t. I mean I like girls and all, but it just isn’t really doing it for me.”

My heart beats a little faster, “The sex or the girls…?”

“Both I guess?”

“Not to be blunt, but if sex isn’t doing it for you, then why do you bang like three girls every weekend?”

He shrugs, “Habit I guess? I mean I’m still horny as hell, and they usually come up to me… so you know…”

“So slot oyna now you want to try something different, I get that… sometimes I’m in the mood to top and sometimes I just want to get fucked.”

“Yeah, well I’m kind of hoping if I try something different, something will click,” he looks back in my direction, his eyes are very blue, “You aren’t seeing anyone right?”

“Yeah… I mean… no I’m single.”

“Well… since you said the real thing is better than any toy… did you want to?”

“Uh… sure.” I try to play this nonchalantly. Have sex with my neighbor after five minutes of conversation? Yes. Totally normal. I usually take longer with thirsty guys on Scruff.

“OK.” a smile tugs at the side of mouth, and I definitely understand the line of girls outside the door, “So… uh… what do I do?”

I chuckle, “You mean right now?”

“Yeah, I mean… am I keeping you from something?”

I am nonchalant, I am a cool sex-positive adult, mmmhmm totally, “Well… not to be blunt but when was the last time you ate?”

He blinks, and his eyes widen, “Oh! Shit! I mean…” it’s a full smile now, “I haven’t had anything but booze and coffee since lunch yesterday. And I just showered…”

“OK,” I stand up, fully hard now, “your place or mine?”

He motions to the bedroom.

The bed is large, and fully made. A month after I moved in, a bit of shouting made him move it a few inches from the wall. I will admit, I always wondered what this room looks like. He stands in front of me, his pajama pants tenting. I’m a little under six feet, and he’s maybe two inches taller. I place my hands on his chest, they’re still warm from the coffee. It makes him shiver, and I watch his nipples harden. I can’t help but run a finger over one. It makes him squirm a little.

“Do you want to kiss?” I ask. He isn’t technically the first ‘straight’ guy I’ve been with, but some guys have hang ups.

He leans down and kisses me, its tentative at first, but then I feel his arms around me, and his cock against my hip. I’m still a little dazed, but I’ve done this dance enough. I move to kiss across that sharp still-stubbled jaw, and down his neck. I feel him twitch under my lips, and grind into me. His hands are on my back, and I feel them at my waist and on my ass. There’s a slight squeeze, and I can’t help but giggle. He squeezes a little harder, and my hands are at his hips, pulling off those pajama pants.

They come off pretty easily, and I can feel the heat of his cock as it springs up against his belly. I break off for a moment and he pulls off my shirt, we both stare for a moment. He does a little trimming, but besides that, there is a strong spray of hair across his legs and a cute bush of pubes. His cock is at attention, the tip peaking out from the foreskin. I can’t help but run a finger over it, and with a little tug on his foreskin, he gives up a few heavy drops of precum. I close back in and begin kissing his chest, my hands cupping his balls. I feel his body give a slight shake. Gonna have to work on those later.

He’s already started to breath heavily, and for the first time, it really registers how nervous he is, I look up at him, “If you want me to not do anything or just stop, say the word.”

He nods, and I guide him to sit on the bed, and fall to my knees. My mouth teases the tip of his cock before, I slide my tongue under his foreskin. I roll it around, and I can feel his pulse. My hands come up and pull gently on his balls, and I hear him moan. It isn’t the heavy grunt I usually hear when he’s fucking his weekend lay, but softer, with a little surprise.

Soon enough I’m bobbing up and down, swirling my tongue. As my hand works his shaft, his foreskin pulls back and I tease at the skin some more. I’m rewarded with another moan, and big dollop of pre-cum. I am deeply deeply tempted to see if I can make him finish now, but…

“Get on your stomach.”

His ass is adorably fuzzy. While it isn’t the roundest ass I’ve ever seen, its pert and muscular, and just seems right on his slim frame.

“The lube and condoms are on the bedside.” His voice is quiet and hesitant.

“Not yet” I respond. I smile, before kissing the small of his back and running my lips over his fuzzy cheeks, giving him a gentle squeeze. For just a brief moment, I see him arch his back, and I feel a little pre-cum run down my leg. I pry his cheeks apart and with the tip of my tongue brush his hole.

The affect is immediate. His whole body jolts, and I see the muscles ripple across that well carved back, “Good?”

“Yeah…” his voice is distant, before he gives a nervous chuckle, “just wasn’t expecting that.”

I grin before diving back down on his ass. I remain tentative at first, kissing and running my tongue over that sensitive patch canlı casino siteleri of skin. But as I feel him relax, I run my tongue into him and begin to apply more pressure with my mouth. He moans, and grinds into the covers.

I continue for another minute or so, before I gently pull his hips up. Obediently he opens his legs, and I continue. I catch a glimpse of heavy spotted sheets, and while I eat his ass, I begin jerking him off with one hand, and rolling his balls with the other.

The sounds he makes, are higher and with ragged breath, I glimpse his toes curl, and I feel the increase of pressure as grinds his ass against my face.

“Holy fuuuuuck.” The surprise in his voice makes me almost finish right there. My hands are slick with his precum. That heady musky smell makes me shiver.

I pull on his hips and eat his ass with gusto for a few more minutes before I release him, panting onto the bed. He looks up at me, his eyes are wide, “That was… uh… fuck. Damn.”

I chuckle, “Girls don’t eat your ass?”

“One or two have tried… but mostly they just want me to eat them out and fuck.”

“They’re missing out.”

He preens for a moment, before getting a slightly pained expression, “Do you want me to…”

I shake my head, “Today I’m going to try to help you out. Maybe another time if you want.”

He smiles, and turns back, giving his ass a little wiggle. Hah, five minutes with a guy and he’s already channeling bottom energy. I grab the condoms and lube, and set them beside him. “Alright, turn over, and come to the edge of the bed.”

I finally, finally take my shorts off, and I can feel how soaked my boxers are with pre-cum. When he looks down, he blanches for a moment, “Uh…dude?”

“Something wrong?”

“That’s a bit bigger than the dildo.”

I smile, pull him to the edge of the bed, and give him a few quick strokes, “Don’t worry, I’m going to take my time. Besides, I’ve always found toys are harder to take than the real thing.” He nods, and I watch his eyes slit as I continue to stroke him.

With condom on, I press a lubed finger into his hole. After the work with my tongue, it slides in with ease, a second makes him wiggle his hips a little. But he seems ok. I let them sit for a few moments before moving them slowly, I can feel his prostate, and I apply a little pressure to make his dick jerk. He moans again, deeper this time.

Slowly and with a lot of lube, I press my head in. His eyes come open for a moment, and I just continue to stroke his cock, and run a hand over his chest, until he begins to relax. I work my way in slowly inch by inch, and soon enough I’m partially in. When I begin to pull out, I feel his cock dance. I take a few slow thrusts, and I feel him fully give way, and just like that I am all the way in.

“Oh… shit. This feels…”

I smile, and take his hand, “Squeeze if its too much.” He silently nods, as I begin slowly fucking him. With each thrust in I see his toes curl, and listen to him inhale. I leave his cock alone for a little while, just to watch it tick and beat with every thrust. He peeks through squinting eyes occasionally, but mostly he runs his hands over his nipples.

Now that I have a slow rhythm going, I lean down and kiss him. He moans into my lips, and I feel like I’m already getting close. His legs pull around my hips and he pulls himself up for a moment, “Do you… want me to go faster?” he whispers.

“Lets start slow. I want to start slow, and deep.” With my final word I press in as far as I can and I watch his eyes flutter, as his head goes back, “Do you like that?”

“Mmhmmm,” is all he can manage as he digs his fingers into my back.

I fuck him hard and deep for a while, and slowly pick up speed. After only a few minutes, I can hear that steady slap of skin. With each thrust he gives a little shout, and soon he is breathing heavily with uneven exhales. I can’t help but feel a little triumphant.

I grab his cock and give him a few solid strokes as I push in deep. We never manage to reach a frantic pace that I usually hear from the other side of the wall, but it doesn’t matter, the pressure is inexorable.

“Oh…I’m…” I can hear the surprise in his voice as I watch those magnificent abs tighten. He sprays cum all over his chest hair, and I lean into it. I can’t help myself but to taste it off my finger, it’s salty and heavy, and its too much for me.

“I’m coming too.” I give a few last heavy thrusts before all I can do is hold onto his hips for dear life.

“Fuck, I can feel it!” he shouts, and his dick gives another spurt, and I wonder if any other neighbors can hear us.

Afterward I crawl into bed and collapse beside him. He is surprisingly cuddly, as he rubs his hands over my arms and chest. “You know,” he says with a wicked smile, “I don’t think I ever actually introduced myself, or gotten your name.”

“It’s Marcus.”

“Nice to meet you, Marcus, I’m Danny, I believe we’re neighbors.”

I chuckle, “So I’ve heard.”

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